Help!

I need to get home. I've reached the end of the line. Three more days. Three more days. Cars comes out on Friday. That's two hours of sanity. We don't even eat out, which is good I guess. It's 108 degrees. I am losing my patience. Let's just leave it at I am a mess. I made plans for us to go to a Dodger's game on Sunday. I may be pulling out the Xanax for old times sake.

Again, help!

Help!

Feeling Better

Oh my gosh, last night was heaven compared to the night before. I got some sleep, no shadows chasing me.

I had a cheese omelet for breakfast. And a cinnamon roll. And coffee. We'll see if I keep feeling this good. But I've got my Advil in my purse just in case. I have to go to the bank and call my bank.

Making plans to repaint one of the bathrooms when I get back home. Love having the energy to at least imagine doing something active.

I feel good about this, I really do. And just that, is quite an accomplishment. Off to have a little fun with my little one.

Keeping it short for now. Later, Gator!

Trippy Stuff

I failed to mention the fact that I went off Celexa when I finished work for the school year. My husband likes me my normal crazy self and we are considering getting pregnant, and Celexa is a no-no. So I haven't taken it since my last day of work.

And the withdrawal symptoms just hit me last night. Weird dreams, tingling, dizziness, headaches. The headaches I have been having for several days. I'm taking Advil and had to resort to a Xanax for relief. It worked. Hopefully I will do better tonight. Don't want to waste my Xanax, may need it when I return to work in a month.

So I ate a lot tonight. I think it eating makes me feel better. Had a big salad though. One thing at a time. I am not home so that is so throwing me off, it's not helping all this commotion in my head.

Day 2-If I Had A Hammer

Trying to keep this up while on vacation is difficult. I want to enjoy the challenge, but I don't have my tools. And I am not one to go out and order a bowl of oatmeal. Just seems like a waste. I ordered some weird carnitas potato pancake eggs benedict. Kinda gross but interesting. Still have half in the fridge. I probably will have some for dinner. But I will add some broccoli to make it healthier and more filling. Besides that I had a half a pbj sandwich and a couple of smarties. Not bad. Love those smarties! I know, I'm a wild woman!

I am excited, can't wait to get home. I like keeping track of calories and pounds. I need my whole wheat bread and my veggies and salad stuff. I don't even have a car to go out and get that. My food scale. My bathroom scale. I need to exercise in front of my television. I love the on-line calorie counting tool I found. It's better that weightwatchers online. And it's free. It tells you when you're short on vitamins and minerals. By my birthday I should be right on track. It's coming up quick.

For now I am just watching myself and avoiding snacking. Enjoying my family. Tutu and Samuel are having a great time bonding. Love it!

Getting Started

I need to talk to myself, and this is the only way I know to do it.

I need to lose weight. I just saw a picture of myself from 2004 and even though I felt fat at the time, I now think I looked damn good. I want to look like that again (plus 7 years of aging). I know I can, I've done it before. But I want to do it right. And cheap. Can't afford Weight Watchers, not that it ever worked for me anyway. Or Curves, not that it ever worked for me either.

That's me on the right, with my family. Not so bad right? But fat as all get out. That arm looks like a ham hock. My ass is not quite that big. The pockets on my pants make things worse than they are. My belly is the most offensive, which I am strategically hiding behind my skinny sister-in-law!

Anyway, this is the beginning. My weight is about 192. I'm on vacation and sitting around a lot, so it may have gone up. I want to be less. Nothing specific. Just less. I've been 120. I've been 210. I was 125 when I met my husband. I was 140 at my wedding. And 155 when I got pregnant. I was 185 when I had my son. Would I like to weigh 120? Of coarse! But I would be happy with 150. 130 would be great. But today I want to weigh one pound less than I do right now. That's all. Off to have breakfast, to begin at the beginning.